Life is not lived in decades, years, months or days. Life is lived in moments. And it’s lived in moments when the next moment is unknown. I had my yearly mammogram mid-March and thankfully all is well. And instead of going through a simple sequence of fear-relief-joy, I was going through grief. Grief of what … Continue reading Spring Again: March-Chicago-COVID-April
There is a lot to unpack since my last essay. I’m very grateful to have peacefully finished the fall semester. Not only did I fully enjoy both of my classes and receive very thoughtful and positive feedback from the students, but I also found myself available to engage with some of the changes my university, … Continue reading Journey: Release and Renewal
It’s a beautiful September in Pennsylvania. The days are still warm, but the nights are considerably cooler. The trees are turning leaves earlier than usual this year. Our street has honey locusts on both sides--bad news in the spring for allergies--but in the fall, it creates the most beautiful golden ark over the street. Many … Continue reading Journey: The Gold Leaf of Gratitude
A friend recently asked me if there’s anything I’ve learned over this past year and a half that I’d want to scream from the top of a mountain to the world. I’m not sure I’m in the mood for screaming from the top of a mountain at the moment. But the question made me reflect … Continue reading Journey: spiral up?
A few weeks ago, my therapist suggested that I’d connect with joy, even if for a few moments throughout the day. This has been hard, not because there aren’t “objective” reasons for joy but because these days joy is often clouded by fear and grief. When after a week of trying I reported that this … Continue reading Journey: Connecting to Joy amid Challenges
Spring came early to central Pennsylvania this year. Our daffodils are typically late bloomers but around the neighborhood the yellow and white bells began appearing mid-March. Our cherry tree bloomed in the last week of March and so did the purple hyacinth, a gift from a dear friend. For years, if not decades, the first … Continue reading Journey: The Second Spring
On August 9th I had my fourth infusion. After completing the procedure, I got to ring the bell. When I first heard from a friend that her friend “rang a bell” after finishing treatment, I thought it was just a figure of speech, an expression. Then I saw a real bell in the infusion room … Continue reading A C-word Journey: Ringing the Bell on Chemo
July 19th. My oncologist came in to talk to me right before the third infusion. We discussed going forward with the same reduced dose—80% of a regular chemo dose and 50% of the bone marrow drug. He said, casually: “Even with chemo, there are no guarantees. So, we want to balance the treatment with the … Continue reading A C-word Journey: Chemo, Three Quarters
I received my second infusion on June 28th. I was feeling better the previous afternoon, so got almost eighteen hours of comfort. First time in three weeks. Because my reaction to the first infusion was rather crazy (see the previous post), this time I received 80% of the chemo dose and 50% of the bone … Continue reading A C-word Journey: A Chemo Mid-point?
“It’s just hair. It will grow back.” I’m suffocated by my own silence. I don’t talk to people, mostly text. It feels like using my voice requires too much energy these days. We went to a consultation at Memorial Sloan-Kettering on May 1. The doctor there strongly suggested adding chemo to the follow-up treatment. I … Continue reading A C-word Journey: Second Installment
Katerina Bodovski Writings 